Jan. 14th, 2007

guppy_sandhu: (intense)
"I need to buy a plant."

The man eyes Guppy.

"Well sir, this is a garden centre. What did you have in mind?"

"I... I don't really know. It's for a friend."

"Male or female? Indoor or outdoor?"

"Female, indoor."

Guppy follows the shop assistant around as he is probed for other details. Not too big, a nice plant ("I don't want a nettle or anything"). Preferably something that would survive under a reception desk with no natural light. After a little searching, the man rolled his eyes at the requirements and nipped into another part of the department. A few moments later he came back with a nice, healthy looking plant in a pretty pot with little pink flowers on.

"Ah, that looks nice." Guppy says, taking it off the man. "Lovely and green. Would have expected it to be heavier mind." The man smiles as Guppy gets out his wallet.

Outside Alice's house Guppy attaches a card to the plant, sticking it in the gravel in the pot.

'The man in the garden centre said this would survive under your desk. Hope it's a good sort. Best wishes. Guppy'

He leaves it on her doorstep, knocks on the door then scarpers before she can see him. He doesn't see her pick up the pot, read the note then look closely at the plant before exploding into giggles. Because really, how many people could walk into a garden centre and end up being sold a plastic plant without them noticing?

***

"I know I didn't get you any flowers. You always hated flowers. Said they gave you hayfever."
No matter what they tell us. No matter what they do.
Guppy traces his finger in the soil absently. Sitting on top of the grave would have been disrespectful, but next to it wasn't so bad. He then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of snail shells, which he lines up on the grave.
No matter what they teach us, what we believe is true.
"Been saving these for you though. Never did work out what you used to keep them for. Pretty I guess. You didn't really do pretty though."
No matter what they call us. However they attack.
He places the last empty shell on the ground and gets up.
No matter where they take us, we'll find our own way back
"I never knew what to say either. You either watch over me, in which case you know what's happening, or you can't see and hear me in which case there's no point in telling you.
I can't deny what I believe. I can't be what I'm not.
"It wasn't my fault that you died, or how you died. My only regret is that we never really made things up. And that I didn't persuade you to tell the family to accept me again. Harsh as it sounds, you're gone now. Reincarnated I'd hope, something nice and peaceful and happy. Mum and Nana and I have to pick up the pieces.
I know this love's forever, that's all that matters now no matter what.
"And no, I'm not angry. I just have to pick myself up and stop hurting. I'm getting the help I need. To get over everything, old and new.

"This time last year I ran away and hid myself, curled in a little ball under my bed, incoherent, shattered by grief. When you killed yourself I had the breakdown that I'd had coming for months. But I am stronger now, and I know the signs that I'm about to be sucked into the self-destructing mind that you gave me. That's why I'm not going to go back to that. My friends, and my sisters, maybe not by blood but in my heart, have held my hand and told me everything was going to be okay. I owe it to them to make sure they're right about that at least."
No matter if the sun don't shine
Or if the skies are blue
No matter what the end is
My life began with you

He turns and walks from the grave, then pauses and turns back.
I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not
I know this love's forever
That's all that matters now

"And no, you don't live on in me. You never did. I'm sorry."
No matter what.

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